All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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