We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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