Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
