She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
