we made out on top of his cat.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
