I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
