Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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