sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
