Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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