when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No subtext here. People are naked.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
