they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
