Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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