Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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