I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
