My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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