Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
