Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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