why didn't you poke me back
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
