Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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