I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
