: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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