I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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