I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
