She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
