what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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