3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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