This is not my ceiling
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Two words: blizzard sex
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
