Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
