but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
