Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I will pee on everything he values.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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