So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
