i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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