All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
