My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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