I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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