today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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