The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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