i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
