i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
