So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
