trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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