stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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