apparently the secret to your success is patron
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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