Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
