I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
