Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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