so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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