the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
