were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
