i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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