I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
either way he was missing a nipple.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
